never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
