So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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