Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
