he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
