dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
