We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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