She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
