Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
