He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
