he puts the penis in happiness.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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