I've blown a few things in my day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
