I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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