shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
