..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
two words: eviction party
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
