Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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