Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
