Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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