she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
