We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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