I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
