I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
