I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
