Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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