Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
