tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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