Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
