I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
