p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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