what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
