Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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