So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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