Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
