Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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