Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
