I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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