Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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