When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
