Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
