i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
