He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I will be naked everywhere
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
