I love black thongs
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
