How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just high enough for therapy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize