Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
