Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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