i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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