it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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