peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
