her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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