Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
