I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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