i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
