So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
