I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
