Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sext me about skeletons
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
