5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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