i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My pussy is not your playground.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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