DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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