I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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