Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
