She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
