she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
