Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I am midnight drunk by noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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