i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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