Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
