Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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