remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
