love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
