I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
