You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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